Tear Stained

Today was a bad day. The kind of day that you finally give in and admit that you aren't as tough as you want others to believe you are. The kind of day you finally break. You spend the day in tears. Because it's all you know to do. I have worries. I have fears. I am just like everyone else.

And then comes my favorite time of the day. At night when I get to put Carter to bed. I can snuggle up with him in the rocking chair and breathe in his baby smell, and all my insecurities are washed away for the moment. Tonight I needed him more then he needed me. Yet he was so clingy, twirling his fingers through my hair, but didn't ask to nurse. He is weaning, and I know he is ready as he asks less and less, but tonight he just wanted to climb on my lap with his latest animal friend and rock. And I held him longer then I had to, long after he was sound asleep. After my arm had gone numb. After I wiped the final tear from my eye.