I Feel Like I'm Barely Hanging On
I've always thought of things this way. I stay at home all day. My hubby works 9-10 hour days. I wasn't going to ask for help with the housework. I could do it all. Then I got pregnant with Carter and was so sick I thought I was going to die. My hubby was amazing. He cooked dinner, did the dishes, made sure the boys were bathed, and helped Monte with his homework. I think survival mode kicked in. Then when I was 4 months along the migraines and puking ended and things pretty much went back to normal. (of course he does all the manly stuff like yard work and taking out the trash)
I've never minded. Like I said, I can do it all. Well, I'm beginning to re-think this. We are a family of 5. I am 1 person. Everyone needs to start pulling their own weight. The boys have the usual pick up your things and put them away. (or throw it all in the doorway of your room if your Hunter) They also empty the garbage cans around the house and take the recycle out to the garage. I'm thinking they should do more? I don't want them to be little slaves though either.
Yesterday when hubby came home from work he went to get a water bottle out of the fridge. There weren't any. So I say, sorta snippy, apparently I'm the only one who knows how to re-fill a water bottle. (everyone likes to drink out of a water bottle so I refill them with the filtered water out of the fridge) Hubby says that would be a great chore for the boys to do every night. And you know what, he's right.
I don't know why I feel guilty when I start to fall behind. I can't just let a mess be a mess. I can't relax and play with Carter when there are dishes in the sink, and stuff laying all over the house. But lately I'm just feeling so overwhelmed. And it's more than housework. There is a lot going on right now. I'm stressed, which isn't like me either. I'm exhausted when I go to bed, yet toss and turn all night. I can't seem to get my act together. I can't get out of this funk. I'm afraid I'm taking it out on everyone.
I've never minded. Like I said, I can do it all. Well, I'm beginning to re-think this. We are a family of 5. I am 1 person. Everyone needs to start pulling their own weight. The boys have the usual pick up your things and put them away. (or throw it all in the doorway of your room if your Hunter) They also empty the garbage cans around the house and take the recycle out to the garage. I'm thinking they should do more? I don't want them to be little slaves though either.
Yesterday when hubby came home from work he went to get a water bottle out of the fridge. There weren't any. So I say, sorta snippy, apparently I'm the only one who knows how to re-fill a water bottle. (everyone likes to drink out of a water bottle so I refill them with the filtered water out of the fridge) Hubby says that would be a great chore for the boys to do every night. And you know what, he's right.
I don't know why I feel guilty when I start to fall behind. I can't just let a mess be a mess. I can't relax and play with Carter when there are dishes in the sink, and stuff laying all over the house. But lately I'm just feeling so overwhelmed. And it's more than housework. There is a lot going on right now. I'm stressed, which isn't like me either. I'm exhausted when I go to bed, yet toss and turn all night. I can't seem to get my act together. I can't get out of this funk. I'm afraid I'm taking it out on everyone.
posted by Life With All Boys at 8:14 AM
17 Comments:
I think all of us mom's have been there. Is the term "mommy martyr" appropriate? I fall into this slump all the time until I break, which isn't good either. I try to ask for help BEFORE I snap....unfortunately it never works out that way. :(
Lori
{{{hugs}}} I feel ya. All of my boys are still little (all under 5), and I've started them on chores. Vaccuming, putting away their laundry, cleaning their playroom, etc, but they are still young enough that they direction and guidance and a lot of help to get those things done. So it's like I'm still doing everything.
But I wouldn't feel like they are slaves by asking them to pull their weight. They all live there, you are all a family, a team, and you are not the maid. We've been using Accountable Kids. Check it out. http://www.accountablekids.com/
I think we mommies are all programmed to think we can do it all, but in reality, we can't. Especially when kids are involved! I think calling on the kiddos for more help is a great idea. You get a little bit of a break, and they learn what it's like to be a family unit. Everyone wins.
And don't forget to make time for yourself. A good hour of Mommy time AWAY from the house is amazing. You certainly deserve it!!!!
What a great idea to find different chores that the boys can do to help! You can't possibly do everything yourself, and sometimes kids even like the responsibility.
Thinking of you.
Yep, you've got it. It's a little thing I like to call, Motherhood. I totally think your boys are big enough to handle more responsibilities around the house. Like you said, not a slave driver, but enough so that your daughter-in-laws will someday thank you!!
Oh, I feel the same way and at first I thought you were going to say that you were getting a maid and then I was going to not be your friend anymore! Just kidding. I'd still be your friend. I am looking forward to the time that my boys can be big helpers (and they are getting there) but I also hope that I can ease up on my "I can do it better so I might as well just do it" attitude. AH!
I hope you get some rest soon!
Steph
Good chore for the boys. I need to give them more, too. They actually LOVE to have an agenda (with payment, of course) but the payment doesn't have to be $$, it can be privileges. Like, air, and food, you know?
I always think I can do it all and work a full time job too. I get irritated at the Mr. when we keep giving the kids chores, but his sitting on the chair watching TV time doesn't change. I think I need more of that time while he makes dinner.
Oh Robin, I've so been there. It seems MANY of the bloggers I read are right there with you. Allow yourself some grace from time to time and know that "this too shall pass." ((((HUGS!))) It's impossible to be all things to all people, and perhaps you need some time every once in a while to rejuvenate yourself. Maybe you're running on empty and it's catching up to you. AND I want to say, it's okay to ask for help.
Hang in there!!!! I'm sure you're doing a a great job! It's a thankless job, somedays, isn't it???
: )
I hope you start feeling better soon. Restless nights are not enjoyable at all. But remember, you can only do so much. And I am sure you are doing a great job! Know that it is OK not to do everything all by yourself.
I couldn't imagine taking care of a home with 5 family members, I struggled for a long time when it was only 2, and now it being 3. I went crazy (and sometimes still do). I can TOTALLY related to the "not being able to play while dishes are in the sink". I find myself getting better and better at letting it go. Really, it was the "Babies Don't Keep" poem I got from Steph's blog. I have one on the refrigerator, so when I am stressing out, I read it and think that Jonah isn't going to be a baby forever, and I need to enjoy my time with him now. Needless to say, this approach results in late nights cleaning and showering and everything, making me sleep less. But for me, it works. It's good to see you have a supportive hubby, willing to help, that is SO important. Best of luck to you!
See you soon
Jen
I have had this exact day. holy cow. I am so sick of living in this disaster but can't get out of my sleepy funk to do it. Why is it that we take on too much. All I have to do is ask. I also work outside the house at night to "escape" but sometimes I wonder what i am escaping!! LOVE THE POST
Ash and I were talking about this today, and how we as mom's have to re-create ourselves when each child comes along, so we can figure out how to do everything we want to do without losing our minds. New routines, new perspective. Re-frame everything. Maybe for you that means the boys need to kinda pull their own weight a bit. I know I have my boys help me when I do their laundry (they actually love it), and they also feed the dog and have to clean their play room. No reason to feel bad about them helping with their own stuff.
You aren't alone in this AT ALL. Keep hangin in!
I'm with ya! I have been struggling with the same thing. Mostly a lack of energy for me. I am not very good at making the boys pull their weight, but that is about to change. I have someone come every other week to clean the house (probably started when my youngest was about Carter's age). It is great, but I have decided that when we move, I am not going to pay her to clean upstairs, I am going to make the boys do it. I will pay them an allowance, but they shouldn't get used to women waiting on them hand and foot! We'll see how it goes. Hope you feel better soon.
I understand how you feel, although we are only a family of four. But I do get overwhelmed when I feel like I'm take care of all of us while the rest of them are just living in the day. Definitely find ways everyone can pitch in more. It will help your kids grow up to be more responsible people.
I understand. I JUST posted on my blog about something that has really helped us out in our family.
Maybe it can help you out to?
lol No- I don't work for the company. I didn't get anything out of posting about it. I just think it works. :)
Here is my link. :)
http://rockinmom.typepad.com/sass/
WE all go through this. My kids are younger than yours and I jsut made a chore chart for the kids. I cannot do everything and we are a family. WE all have to pull our own weight. Keeping their rooms clean, putting their clean laundry away, emptying the trash cans, helping dust, feeding pets, etc... I don't think is asking too much. Just make a chart and divide the chores equally or according to age...Give them 2 things a day to do. That's not asking too much!
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